142. Aspire – brush up your CV/resumé

A CV can make or break a job application. If it tells your life story, then why bother interviewing you? If it's full of errors, why would anybody bother interviewing you? If it tells too little, why would anyone be tempted to interview you?

What a fine balance it is! So, how do you get off your settee and go about finding a new job to make your life more rewarding? First, let's start with the heavy lifting: you need to have a job to apply for. Your CV should speak to the person who is looking to employ you. It should scream "Me. Me. Me." to the extent that interviewing you is totally irresistible.

Keep it short – two pages maximum (no one wants to read every last detail of your life – and, anyway, you need to tease them with a little snippet so that they have something to ask you about at interview).

• Be honest – don't be tempted to over-egg the pudding
• Make it consistent – punctuation, font and style, headings

So, begin your CV with some clear facts: who are you? When's your birthday? Where may you be contacted? Move on to your higher or further education (if you have taken any) – whatever you learned after you left school. Then your work experience in summary – most recent post first. Don't tell too much, but just tell enough. Think what you would want to read, if the roles were reversed.

If your final CV is longer than two sheets of A4, it's too long. Yes, even if you have had twenty jobs (especially if you've had 20 jobs). Think how you can streamline it – make it a thing of beauty and a joy for ever.

Once you're done, do this: spell and grammar check it; give it to someone else (preferably who interviews people) to read and comment on; print it on good paper; don't fold it – put it in a big envelope along with a concise and appealing covering letter that also repeats your contact details (also spell and grammar checked); affix sufficient postage – an easy trap this – and put it in the mailbox.

Don't include a photo (unless you are utterly devastatingly, drop dead handsome/beautiful – and, actually, still don't). Don't drivel on about your hobbies or the love of your life. Don't mention that you hated your previous boss or that they didn't understand you. Most of all, don't wait for a reply or an interview – get writing to the next one.

What do I need?

• A little flair for writing about yourself

Where do I find it?

• Use objectivity and a calendar to ensure your dates are consistent

Cost?

• Minimal

141. Create – build your own chiminea

As the cooler nights work their way in, so too the excitement of outdoor living plummets as the temperatures fall. Take control of your own micro-climate and build yourself a chiminea. You probably have all the makings of it in your garage, shed or loft.

Take about 100 old bricks, a metal grid of some sort – old oven shelves, fire grates or wire racking should work – and a suitable piece of hard standing (this beastie will not move once you've finished it). Dry build an initial base about two bricks high, leaving an opening for air flow and to dig out ash. Lay the grid on top, then continue the construction for another four brick layers, forming an opening for the fireplace.

Bridge the opening and continue the brickwork in a tapering fashion, forming the chimney. Your brickie skills do not need to be immense. Simply build it sufficiently level so that it is unlikely to topple and crush a passing child or animal

Then, stand back and admire your handiwork. Oh. Not finished yet – lay a fire (you don't need me to tell you how, I'm sure) and set it going. Watch with satisfaction as smoke pours from your newly erected chimney. Marvel at the way the smoke also finds every gap between the brickwork. Pray that the smoke dies down before the neighbour notices their clean washing on the line.

You can even add another, smaller grid over the fire, cleverly pivoted on outcropping bricks, that can serve as a barbecue. You are hunter-gatherer. You are fire-maker. You are ... in a complete mess. Go and wash your hands before you come in the house. (Thanks Phil Holloway!)

What do I need?

• About 100 bricks
• A metal grid
• Some hard standing

Where do I find it?

• In the garage, shed or loft

Cost?

• Minimal

140. Upskill – memorise a song

The brother of Frank McCourt (Angela's Ashes), called his autobiography A Monk's Swimmin' because that's how he heard the Hail Mary - "blessed are thou amongst women." So, when people think that the Bee Gees sang about Bald-headed woman – more than a woman to me; or Abba sang See that girl, watch her scream, kicking the dancing queen, then you'll know that really learning words to a song could be beneficial.

There are a few major benefits to knowing the words. The first is you'll look quite cool as you manage to mouth along with the latest song at a concert or a club. Nothing looks funnier than someone who thought they knew the words, found that they didn't, but have been caught in mid-verse with their mouth open. How do you cover it up? I find a sudden coughing fit helps.

Secondly, knowing the words means that you might have some clue what the singer/songwriter was banging on about in the first place. Please note that this does not apply to any Mark Bolan (Get It On. Bang a gong. Get It On) song. Once you crack the deep mystical (drug-induced?) theme of the song, then you're on the way to understanding what's going on, so that you can really understand (take the rise out) of the song.

Memorise those song lyrics (and the tunes too if possible) then you can astound your friends and loved ones with your wealth of knowledge, demonstrating for example The Killers' weather forecasting prowess: Are we humid, or are we damper?

What do I need?

• Access to song lyrics (see a really great archive of misheard lyrics here)
• An ear for music

Where do I find it?

• Many lyrics are online

Cost?

• Free